I Heart Mommy and Dad

There are days I question my parenting... Who am I kidding?! I question my parenting on daily basis! On some days my parenting is a completely dubious anomaly and I can't figure out what I did to contribute to the shaping of my children's' behavior. I can't go to a store without my kids wanting something, and more often than not they actually expect me to buy them something, whether it's a toy, chocolate milk, a book, stickers, a craft... anything! I know that at their age selfishness isn't exactly a choice, but sometimes I feel like I could be doing so much more to help curb their me-me-me's and steer them more toward a more philanthropic nature.

Then there are the days when my children seem to really think outside of themselves. Like when I am sitting with my older daughter as she falls asleep and she jumps up to get me a blanket so I can be warm, though I never mentioned being cold. Or when my son gives me the bigger half of his chocolate chip cookie, though I didn't even ask if I could have even a bite. Even my littlest girl gives me the sweetest little smiles that have no strings attached (though I'm not sure how "selfish" a seven-month-old can be). I am reminded by these little acts of honest, considerate actions my children have displayed to know that I MUST be doing something right.

Tonight I helped my oldest daughter with a homework project. She had to write a little bio for her class, describing whatever she chose to share about herself. It could include her family, her favorite colors or animals, what she liked to do, etc. I helped her with the spelling, but what she came up with was all her. There wasn't a single statement about material objects, like her toys, which was surprising. Instead, she thought to include what she liked to do, which was playing, and that she loved her mommy and dad. I know my daughter loves me, and so that wasn't the surprise. The surprise was that she chose to include it to share with her teacher and classmates, since she has never done that before. Her first responses when asked about herself usually have to do with her favorite toys, or toys she wants, or toys she "thinks" she is going to get for her birthday. It seems I must be doing something right that my daughter feels her love for her parents is an important part of herself.

Maybe I'm just over analyzing my daughter's project. Maybe not. Either way, it makes my heart happy.

A Little Village

With my husband working overseas, it can be quite overwhelming raising three kids under the age of six (it can be an overwhelming task even WITH my husband around). But it’s during these times that the old adage, “it takes a village to raise a child,” glare with blinding truth.

My oldest daughter started kindergarten this year. She’s only there for 2½ hours a day, five days a week, but so much is compressed into those days, and it’s not all just scholastic. My daughter’s teacher heavily stresses respect for self and others, and finding more pleasant approaches to handing problems other than the often pugnacious outbursts frequented by kids her age. After eight days, I have noticed my once sharp tongued daughter now asks her brother nicely to do things, like moving out of her way or to stop doing something she doesn’t like. She also has begun to look more for the good in others, like her brother, instead of continuously pointing out their faults. I myself have been working on getting her to be more sympathetic by changing how I speak and act around her, and being a decent roll model, but knowing I have the support of her teacher in helping to strengthen this behavior is encouraging. The amount of appreciation I have for her teacher’s efforts is almost breathtaking, considering I am not one to easily accept help, even from such an indirect route.

These days I often feel alone in my endeavors to raise my children. Without the huge support of my parents that I had before I moved to Washington, my stress level has gone up considerably. But if we are willing to accept help, we can find it, even if it comes from some unexpected places.

Tug-of-War

She stands in the doorway
Surveying the devastation.

The mournful wailing
Departing from the tiny body.
Books scattered,
Papery bodies left crumpled and torn.
An abandoned doll
Staring longingly at the overturned pram.
A lonely bear
Half hidden by a beat-up blue blanket.

She closes her eyes,
Distraught by the destruction.
The anger.
The hate.

The carpeted battlefield,
So warm and inviting,
Mocking her motherhood,
Ripping through her resolve.

She has lost this battle to incertitude.
But soon another campaign will ensue
And with it another chance to take back her land.

*a poem by me after a particularly stressful day of kids bickering and destroying the house

Emotional Art

I believe in my children being able to express their feelings, whether I want to deal with them or not. The last thing I want is for them to feel like they need to contain their emotions and keep them bottled up. Of course, I do believe there is an inappropriate way to express emotions, and I have tried to teach them what I consider to be the right and wrong ways. Being kids, I run into tantrums and outbursts pretty much on a daily basis, but there is always room to learn and grow, and my daughter has discovered a wonderful way to express her emotions (though she still does have semi violent outbursts now and then): drawing.

My daughter was sad because her friend wasn't outside to play with her. After expressing her upset, she sat down at the kitchen table and drew this self portrait. She is a natural artist, and draws ALL the time, but being able to use her creativity in such a way as to help manage her emotions, particularly the ones she does not enjoy feeling, is wonderful, both for her and for this already frazzled momma.