Not Who I Want to Be

Being a good mom is my main priority in life. But I have come to discover that the more I criticize and dislike myself, the more self-absorbed I have become, which pulls me away from that priority I value most. Though I don’t feel I have a narcissistic personality, I do feel that my negative opinions of myself cause me to withdraw into my own depressive state. And this is not the kind of person I want to be, or the mom I want my kids to learn from.

Despite the fact that I always find it difficult to pull myself from my bouts of withdrawal, I do believe that I am capable of being “that” person and “that” mom that I want to be, and my only real obstacle is the defeatist attitude I afford myself. 

Today I choose to step away from my self deprecation and step toward being a more proactive, more understanding, more attentive mother, and from there I know I will become someone I can respect.  

Less Stress, More Fun

As summer comes to an end, making the most out of the last week before my oldest goes back to school has been a must for my kiddos and I. Today we decided to visit the Discover Science Center, which means three little bodies running every which way while my two eyes are constantly tracking their every move. I'll be honest, taking my three kids to crowded places by myself is not at the top of my "Things I Like to Do" list. The minute I get the kids out of the car the anxiety sets in, and it only gets worse as the day goes on and the movements of my kids gets faster and further away from each other. But unless I want to be a literal stay-at-home mom, braving those crowds is something I just have to do. For me, it's all about attitude, since mine is not very encouraging to begin with. What if they get lost? What if people judge my parenting skills? What if Gavin falls and cracks his head again? What if someone tries to steal one of them? The "what ifs" could go on and on, and that little gray cloud of impending doom grows larger and larger. Changing my attitude going into an activity that would normally cause me anxiety has definitely helped make the activity more enjoyable for me (and as a result more enjoyable for my kids). It also makes me more clear headed and aware of what is going on around us. Another thing I have begun doing that has helped put me a little bit more at ease is taking photos of my kids when we arrive at our destination, something made easy by the fact that I almost always have my iPhone with me. That way I have a current photo of each of my kids that also shows what they are wearing that day.

Just the fact that I am taking that extra precautionary step makes me feel like I am in more control, and feeling like I have some control helps boost my confidence that I can take my kids out by myself without having a major anxiety attack.

Wordless Wednesday