Hush-a-Bye

And the night shall be filled with music,

And the cares that infest the day

Shall fold their tents like the Arabs

And as silently steal away.

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, The Day Is Done

When we hold our infant children close it only comes naturally to hum or sing to them and sooth all discomfort or fuss with the simple vibrations of a lullaby. I remember my mom would sometimes sing to my older daughter instead of talking to her, describing the world around her on the waves of some familiar tune. And of course I myself would find myself humming some song or another that was stuck in my head while rocking my babies to sleep. But somewhere along the lines the humming and singing became less, and now my youngest daughter, who is six months old, is the only one of my kids I actually sing to.

Tonight I got an urge to sing to my children. After baths were done, teeth brush, and bedtime stories told, I sat next to each of my kids’ beds, stroked their arms and backs, and hummed them each a lullaby. I was afraid my sudden humming might seem weird to them, and I have to admit I was a bit embarrassed at first when it came to my older daughter, who is five. But within seconds of me humming, their eyes closed, their muscles relaxed, their breathing slowed… In no more than five minutes my kids were sound asleep.

I believe tonight was the easiest bedtime I had ever experienced. Within 45 minutes I had all three children sound asleep. Absolutely no fussing, no whining, no arguing about staying in bed. Just pure relaxation and ease.

Music most definitely sooths the soul, no matter what our age is. 

Grumpy Girl

It truly is amazing how different siblings can be from one another. My older daughter and my son are like night and day (though my son has picked up some of my daughter’s more disagreeable habits, as younger siblings are inclined to do). My son is fairly easy going and accommodating. My daughter is incredibly independent, and at times her self-determination can be a bit exasperating.

I value my daughter’s strength of character, but it can sometimes lead her down a path of anger and pessimism, which I often find difficult to confront effectively. I know that I don’t respond well to anger directed at me when my emotions are already in turmoil, so I strive to keep my cool when my daughter is overheating, which is definitely easier said than done. I keep the old adage, “kill them with kindness”, firmly locked in my thoughts when faced with my daughter’s dissention, hoping beyond hope that if I can keep my wits about me I will be able to better help her get her wits about herself. But sometimes the whining can just be too much...

I have to take a moment to admit that I am no stranger to anger, and my outlook on life is not always sanguine. So when I see my daughter erupt in a fit of doom and gloom, I cringe just knowing I have greatly contributed to her actions and responses, both on a genetic level and as someone she models herself on. One would think I would be better equipped to cope with her outbursts having my own self as a precedent, but I’m not (or at least I don’t feel like I am). Instead it just breaks my heart to see her NOT enjoying her childhood to the fullest. 

No! Don't! Stop!

I have come to realize that, for me, motherhood has been taken for granted. I have been given three amazing children, and I am not even enjoying this extraordinary time in my life.

I constantly agonize over the judgments of others with regards to how I am raising my kids, which for the most part is exposed by their behavior out in public. I enjoy taking my children to the playground because they can run amuck and climb all over the equipment without attracting any disagreeable attention. But when we are at the grocery store, or the fabric store, or (shudder) someone’s home, the bad behavior radar goes on high alert, and soon every other word out of my mouth is “stop”, “no”, “don’t”. And of course, the culmination of all this high spirits hindrance is a great deal of anxiety and self-deprecation on my part.

I despise being upset with my children, and when I feel forced to raise my voice I ultimately feel disgusted with myself. In short, after these incidences I feel like a failure as a mommy. And of course the final crushing blow in all this chaos is that I begin to hate being a mom and I begin to think my kids would be better off with any other mom but me.

Getting caught up in what others MIGHT be thinking about me and my parenting methods has, in a sense, caused me to let the joys of motherhood pass me by at times. On the one hand, I am not allowing my children to enjoy their childhood and be what they are: children. And on the other hand, I am not enjoying my precious time with my children something I know very well is limited.

To be so concerned about the judgments that may or may not be there is debilitating as a parent (or just as an individual in general). I have found that if I just let it all go and allow myself to be in that moment with just my kids life is amazing. And, remarkably enough, when I am not stressing over my kids’ behavior, their behavior tends not to be so atrocious.

I’m not saying a parent should let their child run free without any rules or guidelines. As parents, we are responsible for preparing our children for adulthood, and consequently we should curb their behaviors to lead them in that direction. However, we shouldn’t base our reprimands on what be think others may be thinking, but rather we should instruct our children how we deem fit and in a way our children will respond, something of which only WE know (not a judgmental outsider).

Sometimes, we just need to so eloquently say, “I don’t give a rip!” and get on with enjoying parenthood.

Sleep Tight

It has been suggested time and time again: “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man, healthy, wealthy and wise.” And children are definitely NOT an exception to this adage. Though most “professionals” espouse the early bedtime, I have noticed that many families do not participate in the idea. I know other parents that have a difficult time with bedtime routines in general, no matter what bedtime is, and I will be the first to admit my fortune in that my children have always been fairly good about going to bed when instructed to do so. So I am not about to jump onto my high horse and wiggle my little finger in an air of condescension with regards to what everyone should or shouldn’t do when it comes to bedtime routines and actual bed times. Instead, I just need to take a moment and express the major success I have experienced with the simple act of changing my children’s bedtime.

Young children need about 15 hours of sleep a day (naps are included in this estimate), so early bedtimes just mean the opportunity to actually get those hours to recharge those batteries of theirs. And they should at least get four hours of awake time before their next excursion into dreamland.

Since moving to Spokane, Washington about a month ago, my children’s bedtime routine sort of took a fall, particularly because the sun is still up and smiling well into the evening. By 9pm it FINALLY looks like the day may have made up its mind to move over and let the night make an appearance. Before we moved my 2-year-old son went to bed around 8pm and my five-year-old around 8:30pm. When we got to Washington, both of their bedtimes somehow got pushed to about 9pm, which meant I got “me” time way too late for my liking (I’m an early to bed, early to rise kind of mommy).

Let me just interject here and say that my 2-year-old is definitely going through those infamous Terrible Twos, and he seems to have a penchant for whining even in his every day discourse. Not fun!

Last night I decided to put the bedtime routine back to rights, resulting in a bedtime for my son at 7:30pm and my daughter at 8:30pm. After my son picked his last show around 7pm (I let my kids watch a show on Netflix before bed, like Dora the Explorer or Super Why or Go Diego Go in an effort to get them to settle down a bit and also to give them an extra indication in their routine, i.e. after the show it’s bedtime), and by 7:30pm I got my son shuffled into the bathroom to brush his teeth then into his room for a bedtime story. Though he complained about not being tired, as he always does, and whined a bit (though minimal) he got to bed fairly easy and was out by about 8:10pm. My daughter is easy when it comes to bedtime, so no real differences there. But my youngest daughter, who is six-months-old, was able to get to bed around 8pm (normal for her) with pretty much my complete attention, since my son often vies for my attention when I am giving the baby mommy-time. And that’s a plus, because having my complete attention means I am able to feed her until she is full, resulting in real sleep and not just that limbo between awake and asleep. By 8:40pm I was sitting alone in the living room enjoying a quiet house!!

But the best part transpired the next day. When my son woke up, no whining! And that whining pretty much didn’t rear it’s ugly head all day! I’d have to say that has made me a true believer in early bedtimes. I have a friend who puts her children to bed around 6:30pm… I wonder what amazingness THAT early bedtime would bring!