Kids Will Be Kids

I am not one to easily admit my faults (just ask my husband), but I WILL confess that patience is not my strong suit once my kids reach about the age of two. When I was pregnant with my eldest daughter I knew while she was still in the womb that she would be a little firecracker, and at the oh-so-fun age of five I have yet to be proven wrong about my first impressions. When she was an infant I would have to bounce her while walking (she knew the minute I would sit down, whether it was on a couch, a rocking chair, or even the yoga ball), and while riding in the car she would literally cry for the entire drive, even if we were driving for over an hour. And yet despite all that, I would always keep my calm, which always impressed my husband (who wasn’t quite as able to keep his composure). But once she reached that ripe old age of two (and stepped so easily into the shoes of a toddler in the terrible twos), my patience began to wear thin. The same happened with my son, who went from the sweetest, most easygoing baby, to a rambunctious, non-stopping toddler that I sometimes think has been replaced with a goblin. I like to think I have quite a lot of patience with my kids, but I know I am easily pushed into the red zone of anger when their behaviors don’t quite reach my expectations.

And THAT is really what I believe anger with my kids boils down to: a let down of my expectations as to how I believe my children should act. I know I have pretty high expectations for my kids, especially my oldest daughter, who has always amazed me at how exceedingly smart and above the norm she is. But because I KNOW how much potential she has, I often let slip my mind that she IS only a kid. Thus I should expect her to act as a kid would, and not always be dismayed when she does. I often catch myself exclaiming, “You know better!” even though at the same moment I recognize that she is just a kid, and kids need repetition and can’t read minds (so they may not know what demands we are putting on them that they aren’t meeting). Often we get caught in the trap of thinking of our kids as little adults, but they aren’t. Kids are kids, and should thus be treated as such. This doesn’t mean they don’t deserve respect and dignity, it just means they are kids and so we shouldn’t be surprised when their behavior reflects that. Making my expectations known to my kids, again and again and again and again, is just something I need to keep doing as a parent. And maybe sometimes I need to look at my expectations and reevaluate whether they are even reasonable for my kids. I’m not saying to not see what they are capable of, because we all know kids are capable of so much and should thus be guided to reach their potential, but pushing too hard has never really gotten me anywhere with my kids.

I suppose instead of constantly telling my kids, “You should know better!” I should perhaps at times adopt a mantra of, “Kids will be kids!” Easier said than done, right?