Smart Girl

Today I had an argument with my daughter...

Mom: Mommy has such a fat tummy!
Daughter: No she doesn't.
Mom: Look at that! It's so fat!
Daughter: No it's not. It's just like it was yesterday.
Mom: Well, it was fat yesterday, too.
Daughter: No it wasn't.

Smart girl...

Doom and Gloom

For me, when I entered into the realm of motherhood, I also jumped into the abyss of fatalistic thinking. Before my children actually came into my life, I imagined that being a mom would bring spirited outings, lighthearted playtime, and cuddly downtime. Of course I knew parenthood would NOT be a piece of a cake, but one thing I wasn’t expecting when my first child so ceremoniously sprung from my loins was the creeping sensation of apprehension that I almost always have that something terrible is going to happen to my children.

We have all had that moment when our child has passed from our sight and we have absolutely no idea where they are. The rock that drops in our gut, the pummeling of our heart against our chest, the dark thoughts of kidnappers and rabid dog attacks… Not fun. The minute I lose sight of one of my children, the fatalistic thinking kicks in. And having more than one kid can really be unnerving since having to keep your eyes on two little bodies running every which way is not always an easy task. I can only imagine the mini heart attacks I’m going to experience once my third child learns to walk and explore the world on her own.

Of course, the momentary absence from our line of vision isn’t the only producer of anxiety. I have random images of unleashed dogs in attack mode dashing after my children (one reason why I DO NOT like people unleashing their dogs, no matter how “good” they claim they are). Practically every move my son takes sends my heart thrashing as memories of his split head incident are relived. Even driving with my kids in the car unsettles me as I contemplate car accidents and car problems.

Sometimes I feel like I am such a Debbie Downer with all these awful thoughts ricocheted around in my head, but I suppose it helps to keep me more observant on my, and my children’s, surroundings, and be more poised when it comes to protecting my three little munchkins. I will admit, though, that THIS was definitely not something I had expected when I became a mom, but of course, I would never give up motherhood even for an untroubled mind. 

Wordless Wednesday

Love Hurts

“I love you so much it hurts.” This romanticized line from My So Called Life has always stuck with me, despite the many years that have passed since I first heard Angela utter these seven words to Jordan. At the time I was in one of those hopeless romantic phases that seems to come with being a teenager, and that statement was something coming from a fairy tale, and possibly something that would never truly exist in the real world. But the moment I became a mother I realized that statement can be startlingly accurate.

Some days can be rather exasperating, as many of you mommies and daddies can attest to. But when the day is full of excessive tantrums and my consequential disciplining, exasperation can quickly turn in despair. After a rough night of getting shushed and talked back to by my oldest daughter, experiencing extreme outbursts from my son, and responding to a fair amount of clinginess from my baby daughter, my emotions started to run rampant on me. Having to discipline my babies, especially when it clearly upsets them, in turn upsets me. I know that being strong and standing by my warnings is part of being a good parent, but that doesn’t mean it’s an easy task.

My kids are my world, and their happiness is extraordinarily important to me. Those crocodile tears that erupt from those brilliantly blue eyes can really pull at my heartstrings, and I’ll admit I come close to tears myself. I am strong and consistent for my children, but sometimes I love them so much it hurts. 

Hush-A-Bye

As a parent, there are countless little pleasures we partake in owing to our children. One particular pleasure I enjoy is sitting with my kids until they fall asleep. My son in particular likes for me to sit with him at bedtime and naptime. My children are much like their daddy in that they are quick to fall asleep, so I only need sit there for a few minutes before the deep breathing and dreaming commence. But watching over them, like the momma watchdog that I am, gives me not only satisfaction in knowing my kids feel safe because I am there, but the gift they are allowing me to give them by letting me be there for them gives me fulfillment as a mother.

My oldest daughter no longer “needs” me to sit by her side as she falls asleep, but I still take pleasure in sitting on her bedside after she is asleep and just enjoying her peaceful presence. From the moment she was born I have been captivated at how beautiful she is, and though she sleeps sprawled across her bed with her long, flailing limbs going every which way (i.e. she isn’t a very elegant sleeper), I look at her sleeping, tranquil face and fall in love with her all over again.

My son never hesitates to ask for me to sit by him as he falls asleep. Within moments he is deep in dreamland, but watching as he quickly falls from wildly awake to serenely asleep just melts my heart.

My youngest daughter is only five-months-old and is still breastfeeding, and she seems most fond of falling asleep while feeding in the reclining position, which means more cuddling. Getting to be close and provide nourishment is always a bonus when it comes to breastfeeding, and I definitely delight in it.

I want always to be there for my children, and I believe that the simple act of being there while they are falling asleep can be such a blessing for both parent and child. Not only are they about to put themselves into your safekeeping as they make themselves the most vulnerable by going to sleep, but it’s always good to see our kids peaceful, pleasant, and passive after a long day of craziness and stress.